Dumb enough? Act smart now!

Buy the pill; that’s all you have to do. And you will be smart overnight, though you might still remember that you were dumb once!

It could possibly be misleading. Let me put it straight. It’s not the content of one of many, rejected advertising copy that I had written over the past years. It’s about a piece of pretty old news that assures me, in near future medical science will be successful in restoring the part of the brain that stores long-term memories. Or more clearly, you can grow your brains, if that’s needed.

I came to know about it a month back or so, when one of my friends forwarded the link to an archived article in The New York Times, dated back to March 17, 1998. It reads about a path-breaking discovery that brain cells can, and do, grow back in adults. It is contrary to the wide-held belief that we, animals or humans, may lose, but never can grow back the brain cells, once they reach adulthood. Though, it was known that rats can do it, but the experts believed humans might not follow the same pattern as in the case of nicotine using rats. Now, they too can believe, because they have found the same phenomenon in monkeys too. And now they say, it is amazing.

Amazing. Well, it could really be. Plastic surgery was not invented to sell odd-shaped and oversized undergarments either. However, scientists working in neuropsychopharmacology are aiming towards a possible cure for diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and injuries caused by strokes and trauma. It’s almost decade-old news now. I searched on net to find further developments that might have happened over the course of time, but couldn’t find any. But, I’m pretty much optimistic about our brilliant scientists. They must have gone further ahead, and most probably are testing the drugs in some African village after finding favourable results in many monkeys.

Even if the drugs come to the market in near future, there’s nothing much to be too hopeful. They are going to be as expensive as they are supposed to be. They have spent Himalayan amounts on research and drug development, and they would need their ROI. Not many patients are going to get the benefit either. Because, both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are evening life ailments, and the caretakers of the patients can rarely expect an ROI. By the time euthanasia will be legal, and more importantly cheaper, anyway. But, there’s a real positive side to the story as well. That is the unlimited possibilities it will open to today’s limited scope of cosmetic surgeries. What’s beauty without brains, after all!

Don’t worry about your new hairdo, or the newly transplanted hair. The pill they are developing is not to be implanted in your brain. You can consume it orally, like any other pill. Initially, you may need a nurse to remind you of the pills, but as the pills start working you can fire the nurse and remember to take the pills by yourself! And this improved memory will work not just for this pill, but for any pill you want to take. How better can it get?

Now, don’t get too excited, and start feeling stressed thinking how long more you have to wait to put your mouth on the pill. Because, the scientists have also observed the fact that stress can diminish the speed of growth of new cells. They have noticed rats who are allowed to run around and play with toys grow the cells faster than the ones who are kept caged. Buy new toys and play with them more often. I’m not very sure about the effect of video games, because rats don’t play video games. And relax. Take your yoga classes, and/or take up a course in Art of Living for the time being. It’s cheaper, and will save a lot of your money later. Do not worry, if you are not rich and dumb enough.

And I’m dreaming a new world so beautiful and brilliant! Where people will remember all the names at least, if not birthdays, and office meetings. And will laugh to wisecracks, without demanding explanations that will only help to conclude that the joker has a very weird sense of humour. You will no longer need to say that the pun was not intended, just to suggest that there really was a pun.

There’s no need to be so euphoric about it. Because, if it’s an allopathic drug, there will of course be some side effects. And I can see the side effects too very clearly. From LKG admissions to beauty pageants, drug testing will be mandatory. We have to respect only the natural, whatever are our advancements in science. And if you couldn’t control the number of intelligent jokes at your friend’s party, you are going to get more suspicious looks than desired laughter. One of those really arrogant ones will come up and ask, “So, you are on pills, huh?” But with the pills, it’ll be easier to remember the fact that you will have to keep your cool, or your cells will grow slower and you will have to eat more pills. And who knows! You might even be able to give back a smarter reply too, if you have completed the essential first few courses.

The wise had once said, ignorance is bliss. Remember?

Still, “it’s incredibly encouraging,” said Dr. Helene Gayle

Whoever said, prevention is better than cure, was, with no doubt, a white man or woman. Now, you have a good news and a bad news, if I put it in the classical American way of breaking a bad news. The good news here is that the tests of an HIV-preventive pill is announced as a near success. The scientists are not really too happy about it, as what they really want is a single dose vaccine, not a daily dose of oral pills. Oh! I forgot it in my effort to sound elegantly dramatic. No. There’s no bad news, for those who will be benefited by this breakthrough. Others are out the context (and the continent, of course).

The little piece of two-column news appeared on the back page of last Sunday’s (August 13, 2006) Hindu, credited to AP. It filled the gap above the Su Do Ku, and beside Gunter Grass’s much belated confession, made right in time for the next-month release of his memoirs.

The article carefully edited to fit the unsold space for advertisements, read like this:

MILWAUKEE: The first test of a daily pill to prevent HIV infection gave a tantalising hint of success, but a real answer must await a larger study due out next year.

The experiment, done in Africa, mainly showed that the drug Viread is safe when used for prevention. Fewer people given the drug caught the AIDS virus than those given dummy pills, but so few in either group became infected that valid comparisons cannot be made, scientists said.

Still, "it's incredibly encouraging," said Dr. Helene Gayle, co-chair of the International AIDS Conference in Toronto, where the results were released on Saturday.

The experiment was conceived in centrally air-conditioned laboratories in Northern America, and is done in the streets of Africa. On a special species, generally referred in other parts of the world as people. I am sure that it has been done in accordance with international guidelines applicable to the testing of clinical drugs. So, I must agree with Dr. Helene Gayle. It’s incredibly encouraging. And, yes. There were some 400 participants were planned to include from two US cities, apart from nearly 5,000 from Africa, Thailand and Peru. A little more elaborated version of this AP news piece is found in The Washington Times site. It explains the test procedure, little more specifically.

A study by Family Health International, funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, tested it on women in Africa at high risk because of multiple sex partners. None had HIV at the start of the study. They were randomly assigned to get either daily Viread or placebos, and all were counseled and given condoms.

No safety problems emerged – an important first step, said Leigh Peterson, project manager for Family Health International. After an average of six months, only two HIV cases developed among the 427 women on Viread, compared with six infections among the 432 given the fake drug.

"We really would be irresponsible to draw conclusions at this time," because those are too few cases to make judgments on, said Dr. Ward Cates of Family Health ternational, "but it does underscore the importance of moving forward very quickly now on the other studies on the drawing board."

I agree completely, Dr. Ward. It was very irresponisble; and it’s the African gods that played the spoilsport. All the 432 who were exposed with the protection of fake drug were supposed to be get infected, like dependable guinea pigs. Those who received the actual drug, also received its side effects. FDA has approved the drug, which is already in use to treat the HIV infected, as an effective preventive pill. Statistics has nothing to do with commonsense, if you already don’t know. The article also assures that no safety problems had emerged, and it was an important first step. Yes, no body threw an infected needle at Leigh Peterson, the project manager.

Meanwhile, Institute of Medicine, another offshoot of National Academy of Medicine as the FDA, has submitted a proposal to restart the practice of using jail inmates for clinical trials of developing drugs. With a humanitarian clause, of course. It is proposed where the experimental medication ‘could benefit’ the participants. The practice was ‘almost’ discontinued after the notorious 40-year research titled ‘Tuskegee Study of Untreated Syphilis in the Negro Male’ that began in the 1930s. In 1972, 400 of the ‘participants’ were diagnosed with syphilis but never told them of their illness or provided any treatment for it – even after a cure was discovered. Instead, the researchers used the men to study the progress of the disease. They all eventually died from syphilis. What could, at times, is might not.

Now, I shouldn’t be a non-progressive, self-centric, idealist. I should look at the big white picture. And understand the good of the cause. ‘Good of the cause’, never was an exclusive excuse of the Communists. Africa is the one continent worst affected by the HIV. And it’s a fight people of the world should fight together to survive, with each one in his and her own mite. Now, you can’t expect brilliant scientist from Africa. And one should understand, patient research endeavours are too much to ask from them. For that we have shiploads of philanthropic white men and women. And the Africans can at least help the cause by being the test partners. Let me remind you, it’s for the good of the cause, and it’s a fight we have to fight together. “It is incredibly encouraging,” Dr. Gayle had said.

NGOs in many parts of the world have done routine, well-organised protests against using animals for drug testing. Some have protested against using humans too. We can’t forget that development of new, more effective, life saving drugs are not just the necessity of pharmaceutical companies, but are important to each one of us too, who are prone to deadly deceases. What the world now need is not groups of people with any other intentions than blocking the progress of human kind; but a more pro-human, pro-progressive, and incredibly encouraging society.

Why can’t the nations of the world deal it with the same stupid, yet effective, method they adopt to fight against each other? After all, drugs are ammunition to fight against deadly microorganisms. And it’s too a fight human kind has to fight to survive. Wouldn’t it be great to have an army exclusively to test new drugs up on?

This new army of proud, philanthropic men and women can have immaculate white uniforms with blood-red epaulettes. They can have distinctive decorations for victories over viruses, bacteria, and other pathogens. The existing red ribbons and yellow wristbands too can be made exclusive, with specific regiment monograms on them. The selection procedure should be scientifically designed; and there should be ample advertising budget to promote it as the noblest of the careers, which demands physical, psychological and intellectual superiority.

The selected candidates should be rigorously trained to walk with synchronised steps in mirror-polished boots, preferably with some medical equipment in their hands. Higher-grade personnel should also be trained to play golf, use cutlery, and dance in ballrooms. Surgical masks could be made mandatory in the dress code for ceremonial balls. Mortality rates can be expected only as good as the regular fighting forces. So that it shouldn’t affect the image of the existing forces. In due course, Bacteria Crosses and Viral Chakras too can be introduced. And in non-testing times, they can be of great help to the nation on occasions of gas leakage tragedies and the like.

Isn’t the thought incredibly encouraging?

This proposal cannot be implemented immediately. It might take more time than my remaining lifetime. I am not being prudishly ethical. I don’t want this to happen to me, my family, or friends. If a preventive pill or vaccine is made available in the market for a terminal decease, like AIDS, me too will be standing in the queue to buy it. But, I wish that wouldn’t happen at the cost of thousands of guinea humans. I would rather be alright with contracting a deadly virus, if it’s not from a blood bag, through a needle, or at a razor’s edge.

You can read here the article appeared in Hindu. And here is the one seen in The Washington Times site. And when you are comfortably numb, you can click here and it will take you to the news item about a proposal to make better use of jail inmates as drug testing personnel. You can read more about Viread and its side effects here. Here is the news about FDA approval for the drug. And read this blog, posted when the drug trials began a year ago.