Dumb enough? Act smart now!

Buy the pill; that’s all you have to do. And you will be smart overnight, though you might still remember that you were dumb once!

It could possibly be misleading. Let me put it straight. It’s not the content of one of many, rejected advertising copy that I had written over the past years. It’s about a piece of pretty old news that assures me, in near future medical science will be successful in restoring the part of the brain that stores long-term memories. Or more clearly, you can grow your brains, if that’s needed.

I came to know about it a month back or so, when one of my friends forwarded the link to an archived article in The New York Times, dated back to March 17, 1998. It reads about a path-breaking discovery that brain cells can, and do, grow back in adults. It is contrary to the wide-held belief that we, animals or humans, may lose, but never can grow back the brain cells, once they reach adulthood. Though, it was known that rats can do it, but the experts believed humans might not follow the same pattern as in the case of nicotine using rats. Now, they too can believe, because they have found the same phenomenon in monkeys too. And now they say, it is amazing.

Amazing. Well, it could really be. Plastic surgery was not invented to sell odd-shaped and oversized undergarments either. However, scientists working in neuropsychopharmacology are aiming towards a possible cure for diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and injuries caused by strokes and trauma. It’s almost decade-old news now. I searched on net to find further developments that might have happened over the course of time, but couldn’t find any. But, I’m pretty much optimistic about our brilliant scientists. They must have gone further ahead, and most probably are testing the drugs in some African village after finding favourable results in many monkeys.

Even if the drugs come to the market in near future, there’s nothing much to be too hopeful. They are going to be as expensive as they are supposed to be. They have spent Himalayan amounts on research and drug development, and they would need their ROI. Not many patients are going to get the benefit either. Because, both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are evening life ailments, and the caretakers of the patients can rarely expect an ROI. By the time euthanasia will be legal, and more importantly cheaper, anyway. But, there’s a real positive side to the story as well. That is the unlimited possibilities it will open to today’s limited scope of cosmetic surgeries. What’s beauty without brains, after all!

Don’t worry about your new hairdo, or the newly transplanted hair. The pill they are developing is not to be implanted in your brain. You can consume it orally, like any other pill. Initially, you may need a nurse to remind you of the pills, but as the pills start working you can fire the nurse and remember to take the pills by yourself! And this improved memory will work not just for this pill, but for any pill you want to take. How better can it get?

Now, don’t get too excited, and start feeling stressed thinking how long more you have to wait to put your mouth on the pill. Because, the scientists have also observed the fact that stress can diminish the speed of growth of new cells. They have noticed rats who are allowed to run around and play with toys grow the cells faster than the ones who are kept caged. Buy new toys and play with them more often. I’m not very sure about the effect of video games, because rats don’t play video games. And relax. Take your yoga classes, and/or take up a course in Art of Living for the time being. It’s cheaper, and will save a lot of your money later. Do not worry, if you are not rich and dumb enough.

And I’m dreaming a new world so beautiful and brilliant! Where people will remember all the names at least, if not birthdays, and office meetings. And will laugh to wisecracks, without demanding explanations that will only help to conclude that the joker has a very weird sense of humour. You will no longer need to say that the pun was not intended, just to suggest that there really was a pun.

There’s no need to be so euphoric about it. Because, if it’s an allopathic drug, there will of course be some side effects. And I can see the side effects too very clearly. From LKG admissions to beauty pageants, drug testing will be mandatory. We have to respect only the natural, whatever are our advancements in science. And if you couldn’t control the number of intelligent jokes at your friend’s party, you are going to get more suspicious looks than desired laughter. One of those really arrogant ones will come up and ask, “So, you are on pills, huh?” But with the pills, it’ll be easier to remember the fact that you will have to keep your cool, or your cells will grow slower and you will have to eat more pills. And who knows! You might even be able to give back a smarter reply too, if you have completed the essential first few courses.

The wise had once said, ignorance is bliss. Remember?