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Paradox Paradise

Would you still call it nonsense, if sense exchanges its meaning with nonsense?

Monday, July 09, 2007

I’m a racist, and other terrible truths you don’t want to know about me

No one, absolutely no one, has ever fucked up as many of twentieth century human minds as Nietzsche did. People love to talk about themselves; and at the same time, people are timid about doing so. And to them, to all of us, that line from Nietzsche, comes as a very comforting, see-through blanket. He wrote, and I quote, “Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.” The tricky part is that ‘can be’.

After the great invention of the idea called forwarded mails, the next big thing that goes around the netted world is tags. A privilege for a few among the 200 odd millions of human beings who call themselves bloggers. A rarity dubbed as privilege, just like Napoleon’s aluminium cutlery. And, with great pleasure and pride, let me announce the news that me too is tagged.

Amooma, the youngest granny alive in the blogosphere, pulled out her Pen Knife and asked me in a grunting voice that is reminiscent of the legendary Ma Baker – “Confess your secrets to the world now, or…” Someone who doesn’t know how to swim and caught between the devil and deep blue sea would most probably try to strike a deal with the devil. And I’ve decided not to invite the wrath of the granny.

There are three rules that I must follow, which can be summerised into two. 1. Write about eight random facts/habits about oneself, and 2. Ask eight other people to do the same. Though the prime motive of the game is to popularise one’s blog by the network it can build, it can also serve to the purpose of providing the pleasures one can get by peeping into someone else’s silly life.

While tagging me, Amooma had described me as a person full of paradoxes – not because she knows me that well, but because of her love for wordplay. But she is absolutely right about me. The reason is, everyone, and everything can be seen as a paradox. Or, like what they say, every coin has two sides to it. Cheques don’t have, but they will make you sign on the back to make it up. All facts I’m going to disclose are paradoxes. It would give me two very brilliant advantages. Firstly, I can bring down the number to four, because they come in pairs – but preferring to play fair, I have decided to keep it eight instead. Secondly, whatever I’m going to say would be also true when you negate them. The idea fits perfect for me.

While telling the facts about oneself it’s very import to number them carefully. Otherwise, people will miss them, because people take facts that lie between the lines for granted. I must have told twenty or thirty facts about me so far in this passage, which many of my readers have missed to notice. That’s how the world is. Consider the first line of the novel Moby Dick, which would be, arguably, the most brilliant opening line for a novel ever been written. It reads: Call me Ishmael. That simple, 3-word imperative sentence actually tells many facts about that person. Let’s count them.

  1. His name is not Ishmael
  2. He doesn’t want to tell his real name, or he has no permanent name.
  3. He doesn’t believe his name is very important, but knows people always need names.
  4. He likes, or at least doesn’t dislike, the name Ishmael.
  5. He has no other documental evidence for his name.
  6. He’s a vagabond, because only a vagabond can afford to live without a name.
  7. He is not related to anyone in the story, by blood or bond.
  8. He’s not a fanatic believer of Judaism, or Christianity.

Here you go! You have eight facts, implied, if not explicit, among those three simple words. And there are many more that you can find. But then, I can’t say: Call me Herman.

There’s one small trouble with facts about people. They do change with time. One might end up loving madly something he or she used to hate from the bottom of the heart. Train journeys, as in my case. Or will become comfortable with something, which was not very enjoyable, like talking on the phone. Or even hate something, which once used to be one beautiful dream, like shaving the face. This means, there's the inevitable condition – I’m free to change any of the following facts without prior notice or permission at any time in the future.

Well, I’m a very secretive person, almost cynical. And I go around throwing statements that I’m this and I’m that! I grew up reading c-grade literary weeklies in Malayalam. They were called Ma weeklies, because all their names started with a Ma. Mangalam, Manorama, Manorajyam. The name, Ma weeklies, was coined by the very intellectual readers of another weekly, which publishes b-grade novels. Ironically, that too was a Ma weekly – Mathrubhumi. Mathrubhumi has played a great role in Malayalam literature, flourishing it in the 60s and 70s, and nipping every budding writer during 80s. We had textbooks big enough to keep these weeklies inside without getting caught. The first lesson in keeping things secret. And the stories told me how important it is to keep secrets. You can be blackmailed, tormented, or even killed if your secrets are out! And if the secret is your secret moles, you might have to commit suicide. It still gives me a shuddering chill through my spine, when I hear, “hey, you have a mole here!” I’m a regular guy; I can’t wear my underwear over my pants.

Two. I wish at least one of my fingers were a screwdriver. I opened a computer for the first time on the very next day I got one – it was a rented one. I was very disappointed with it, there’s nothing much one can dismantle inside a computer. Have opened almost every single tape recorder that had stayed near me for more than a week. And to my good luck, the power promptly went off, whenever a porn videotape was inserted into the player. Opened the carburetor, when the tank nozzle was clogged - because I was waiting for a good reason to open the carburetor for a long time. The temptation is almost equal to that of stripping a girl, when you get a free hand. All you would want is to screw it back properly. Machines have a mind of their own. And deep down in their hearts, they love being pampered. Normally, every machine will start working if you just open it up and close – whether it’s a simple cigarette lighter, or a clock, or a motorbike engine.

Three. Nothing disgusts me. Well, almost. Those things that are generally described as disgusting or horrifying seldom make an impact on me. A rotting corpse under the debris, or a bleeding person at an accident site. A cockroach’s leg in my food or a piece of recently discarded faecal matter on the pavement. But, seeing people making a dramatic display of disgust at such trivial things disgusts me!

Four. I’m a racist. More precisely, I’m religiously anti-white. Most of the few people I truly respect and look up to are whites – the writers, the musicians, the moviemakers, the sportspersons, the sailors, the mountaineers, the philosophers. Many of the most interesting people I’ve met in my life so far are whites. Many of the few regular readers of this blog are whites. The dislike is not personal, but more general and prejudicial. For the unavenged injustice done by the white communities all across the world. There’s no single white nation that didn’t grow rich without insane exploitation of other countries, or communities. Razing communities and cultures and peoples. When it’s a historical fact that India’s share of world’s wealth fell from the pre-colonial 22.6% to a low of post-colonial 3.6%, I have great difficulty to accept that the best way for human development is of what the West practise. And they haven’t stopped doing it, whether it’s the indirect exploitation with trade laws favourable only to them, or direct brutality of the kind they do to the aborigines in Australia. When a whitey shoots an African, or an African shoots a whitey, it’s another whitey who gets richer. And when they talk about liberty, equality and fraternity, it disgusts me!

Five. I do get angry. I’m pretty much an indifferent person, I rarely get irritated, or even bored. I’m too lazy to acknowledge insults most of the time. If a stranger spits on my face, it’s most probable that I’d wipe it and ask ‘why did you do that?’ But I do lose my cool for the silliest of reasons. If I am very, very angry, I’ll go mad. If I’m very angry, I’ll go silent. If I’m angry, I’ll ask for an explanation.

Six. I’m scared of the traffic. I’m scared to cross the roads without traffic lights. It’s almost impossible for me to cross roads with traffic in both directions and have no dividers. And I’m equally scared to ride a bike in the traffic. I once rode a scooter from Chennai to Bangalore, and the last 10 kilometres inside the city almost gave me a heart attack. So much so that, after riding with my brother for over 50,000 kilometres, he wanted to make a tee shirt for himself, with the line on its back – IF YOU CAN READ THIS, MY BRO GOT MARRIED, OR LEARNT TO RIDE. You will never read it.

Seven. I’m a dispelled member of Workaholics Anonymous. Not because I couldn’t quit working, but because they couldn’t. As we all know, the idea is inspired from AA. And one of the hardest facts about an alcoholic is: one drink is too much, and a thousand is not enough. My firm belief is that it should be the same for a workaholic. They didn’t agree. They are okay with working moderately! Like an alcoholic having just six drinks a day? Not happening. I quit. And I’m seriously planning to establish the true Workaholics Anonymous. Or shall I name it after me? I’m procrastinating it only because it’s work.

Eight. I’m a virgin. It’s a very embarrassing statement to make in a metrosexual world for a heterosexual man, where even queers are cool. “Can’t you even take a girl out and get her drunk, and be done with it?” Ask the metrosexual guys. “Can’t you just tell them that they are very different and listen to their crap for an hour or two, and be done with it?” Ask the metrosexual girls (Yes, the adjective is not just for men anymore. Gender neutrality, you know). NO. Says me. I’m a man of ideologies. I’m usually an honest one too. That statement about honesty can surely put me into trouble! And, when I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. I ask in immaculate innocence. “Come again?” And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Hail Mary! Blessed art thou! So am I.

That’s eight for eight. Now I need to tell eight people to do the somersaults. I would rather ask the same person to do it eight times instead. Someone, who’s really good in changing facts too often. I tag George W. Bush (Jr.). It’s still debatable whether this Harvard Business School graduate can read, but I’m pretty sure that he got a blog with a pink template with cute little flowers, where he writes sweet little poems. Don’t believe me. Believe it only when CIA releases its secret documents after 20 years. Then you will read about how they were popularising his blog among Eye-rackey children and African children, to use it as the most potent brain-damaging tool. And if, even he won’t take up my tag, who else will? So George, you have 560 days more to do it.

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24 Comments:

At Mon Jul 09, 10:00:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*sigh* i happen 2 have this pale yellow white skin. but that was a fun read - the bitter the better

i think u shud b done with jostein gaarder by now

 
At Tue Jul 10, 01:49:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one :) shanks

 
At Wed Jul 11, 02:50:00 pm, Blogger Jubin George said...

Anony: LOL You very well know that I'm absolutely fine with your pale yellow white skin with a light tinge of red, you chameleon! No, haven't touched Sophie yet.

Shanks: Thank you. Good one, because it's about a good guy? :p

 
At Wed Jul 11, 10:58:00 pm, Blogger JM said...

good! not provocative though.. :)

 
At Fri Jul 13, 12:10:00 pm, Blogger D said...

Slurrrrrp! What a lovely read... The 9th thing about me would have been that I hate reading stuff about random people, even well known people actually! But this was fun. And I guess it has something to do with the way you write.
And I'm totally with you on the anti-white thing. Though I do think goras have very cute looking bachchas!
As for George W Bush, are you sure he knows how to read?!

 
At Fri Jul 13, 12:34:00 pm, Blogger Ridwan said...

Hey brother it is good to see you writing man. Can't tell what happened to the lost post you mentioned.

Anyway, below is what is on my site in terms of the letter writing campaign. I need to finish the Petition part before I leave for Mexico next Wednesday.

Please send this around.

Peace,
Ridwan

***********************

Copy and paste the following letter and email to addresses below:

**********

Dear Prime Minister John Howard and Minister of Tourism Ian MacFarlane:

I am writing to inform you that I endorse the International Day of Action (July 14) and I am participating in a boycott by foreign tourists against Australia.

The tourist boycott is in response to Prime Minister Howard's recently adopted plan to institute what I consider draconian measures against Aboriginal people in the Northern Territory. In particular, I am protesting the intention to institute compulsory medical examinations of Aboriginal children.

I consider the overal effect of Prime Minister Howard's stated plan to be racist, immoral, and illegal in terms of the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights.

I have no wish to make this boycott last any longer than necessary. But I will continue to participate as long as the policies above remain in force.

Sincerely,
[signed]


**********

The earlier email we found for Prime Minister John Howard is defective. Please fill letter into his comments box. Go to the Prime Minister of Australia page and copy and paste letter there.

Minister of Tourism Ian Macfarlane: Ian.Macfarlane.MP@aph.gov.au

Australian Mission to the UN: un.geneva@dfat.gov.au

Please don't forget to holla back here and tell us that you have sent the letter.

ONWARD!

 
At Fri Jul 13, 02:06:00 pm, Blogger Jubin George said...

jm: Not? I'm such a peaceful guy! :p

D: Please visit Ridwan's site and you'll find more reasons to be anti-white! As for kids, they are all cute in all shades, and they all grow up to become arrogant nasty ones :p

Ridwan: It's been followed up. I'm spreading the word. Let's see what will come of it.

 
At Sat Jul 14, 06:35:00 am, Blogger Ridwan said...

Thanks brother. I have had a trickle of folks on my blog. A few more wrote to my email.

I hope/wish more will follow.

Be good in Bangalore.

Peace,
Ridwan

 
At Sat Jul 14, 11:48:00 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Entheradey Appiii ethokkey.. aa spring thalamudikidayil oru A/C fit cheyyadey.. onnu thanakkattey...

anti whitum pro whitum elllaamm orey thendi thanney unddaakunathaaa...

 
At Wed Jul 18, 10:52:00 am, Blogger Ridwan said...

Hi There:

Update your blog brother ;0)

So I want to bring to your attention our petition. It is up and running and we have started calling for a Tourism Boycott of Australia.

Please consider signing immediately and urging your readers to sign too.

As you know, we are responding to the inhumane and racist invasion of aboriginal lands in the Northern Territoty.

Please access the petition at:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/tourist-boycott-of-australian-campaign

If you need a little background check my blog for links and discussion, etc:
http://ridwanlaher.blogspot.com/

 
At Thu Jul 19, 02:00:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jibin,
Jaada ittu ninnekilum odukam ezhuthi alle?
Anyway nice one!
If I ever happened to meet you, I will hit you right on the nose. Just to see the response :-)

Call me Anony. Interested to know what you derive from that if you dont have the full story.

We have to wait 20 more years to read it! what an injustice from your part.

Anonymousukalude orapoorva samsthana sammelanamaanallo ivide :-)

 
At Sun Jul 22, 05:46:00 pm, Blogger Arun Meethale Chirakkal said...

Fine piece... get a virginity ring I'm gonna wear one...for a 16 year old British School girl had been stoped from weraing one...

 
At Mon Jul 23, 12:01:00 pm, Blogger dharmabum said...

fun read, that.

idealogies huh? well, good luck bro ;)

 
At Mon Jul 23, 05:05:00 pm, Blogger Amooma said...

sorry for the delay. stil havent read it. will be back.
*sheepish grin*
great, isnt it? forcing u to write a post and then disappearing

 
At Tue Jul 24, 02:06:00 am, Blogger Jubin George said...

Anony#1: entheredey veruthe dialougual adikkanathu? Insulting by skin color is only the white's privilege, huh?

Ridwan: Will do my bit, for sure.

Anony #2: LOL. But, I don't have another nose to turn to! Elementary, my dear Anony, elementary! One need not know how to prove Fermat's last theorem to understand that your name is not Anony. You have no respect for names, any which way. You misspelled mine! And don't I know, where you have seen my jaada? And you of course sound a million times smarter than George W.Bush!

Read the article linked to Bush's name,if you haven't already. That would make up for the 20-year wait.

Welcome to my blog :) Nice to see you here! (Or is it your second comment here?)

Arun: Now, I'm really blessed! Right. I have my biggest finger reserved for that ring :D

Dharmabum: It's all in the head! ;)

Amooma: Evede poyinnu vicharichu irikkuvayirunnu! Oru puthiya Anony vannu pettittondu evide. Kandu valla parijayom ondo? :)

 
At Sat Jul 28, 02:48:00 pm, Blogger Arun Meethale Chirakkal said...

You mean the one with which you make that funny gesture

 
At Sun Jul 29, 12:06:00 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nietzsche! Fermat!!

Consider the simple example of a supernova simulation happening on a super computer.
This is the way how Malayalees simplify things.

Or are you in an attempt to become Nirmal Shekar of the blogsphere  :-)
I will not wonder even if you use Schopenhauer or Descartes or Superstring theory to embarrass your readers. (NOTE: I suffer from Dunning- Kruger, sorry)

You made me think! The roots of my clandestine nature also lies in those pulp magazines :-( (Though I stopped it at a point where my buddies started reading it.)

Jada!! Well, I have seen you making statements like…I don’t play tags..I only play intellectual games..-12.4% Annony Added Tax :) This time please don’t ask me where you have seen…..

Man of ideologies! Dear Virgin Jubin…a terrible truth indeed. Me too a man of ideologies, but that doesn’t prevent me from watching porn.

About 4. This can be summarized with a Marx quote. History repeats itself….first as a tragedy, second as a farce.

 
At Mon Jul 30, 03:56:00 pm, Blogger Jubin George said...

Arun: Comic. Very right! Bigger the better, I thought. LOL.

Off topic: If you still have an orkut account, check the Nikos Kazantzakis community. There is a discussion on the topic Kazantzakis’s women. Isn’t that something you have waited for 4 years or more? Not really, I know. But this one is pretty close. :))

Anony: LOL. How can Nietzche, or Fermat, (or even me) embarrass someone who’s suffering from Dunning-Kruger effect, and trying to reenact a Sokal Affair here?

I was not trying to simblify anything. And I’m too old to become someone else. (BTW, are you Nirmal? It’s been a quite a while that I have flipped through a Sportstar. I liked the simple example statement you gave, though not the stupid generalisation after that.)

Last time, I asked you, “Don’t I know, where you have seen?” Not, “Where did you see?” The statement you saw reads like this: I don’t play tag. But then, the blog I write is called Paradox Paradise. You are free to feel embarrassed, if you didn’t get the wit.

Thank you for getting my name right, this time. That’s a good start. But I would have liked it better with ‘Blessed’ than Dear. And ideology is not a synonym for The Bible. Mine not necessarily be the exact same version as yours, it could even be the exact opposite. You are free to feel embarrassed, if you didn’t get the sarcasm. (Not here, but in my post.)

I dedicated half the post to explain the fact that people don’t care much while reading. And the author can’t demand that, especially when he/she is not already ‘rated high’. That was why I took the example of Melville, and concluded it saying: But, I can’t say, Call me Herman. And, you can forget the facts about me; you must have seen that I had told, they are only paradoxes. You are free to feel embarrassed, if you had missed these clearly explained points.

I would happily agree with Marx. Pity that his dialectical materialism too was nothing but a repetition of sorts. In history, a farce is often more tragic in effect.

Come back with more :)

 
At Wed Aug 01, 04:59:00 pm, Blogger shenoy said...

...

 
At Tue Aug 07, 06:07:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

simply great..really liked...
rini

 
At Tue Aug 07, 06:09:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

simply great...
rini

 
At Wed Aug 08, 12:58:00 pm, Blogger Jubin George said...

shenoy: Shall I fill in the blanks?

shenoy says: Butchering the beatles, eh?
jubin says: Umm... a headbanging tribute.


LOL

rini: Thank you.

 
At Sun Aug 12, 04:04:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jibin,
I slept for a while. Your blog is still here and it is 2007. I am happy.

Dunning Kruger doesn’t prevent an embarrassment :-). Chances are there that he will not express it.

Generalization! That was a real one and I have more. The recent one where interviewee asked for an explanation when the interviewer used one old Churchill quote – You are a riddle wrapped up in a mystery within an enigma . Still I shouldn’t make generalizations like that. But all my point was that your brain is Fibber McGee’s closet :-). You can term it stupidity if you didn’t understand the wit.

To me, your para.5 is just a kinda anticipatory bail (and it is). Paradoxes allow some kind of resolution, right? You are mentioning a few facts and you can’t just escape by saying it’s a paradox. When somebody says everything good/interesting to him in this world is white, it’s a eugenicist speaking. I know you are not, for obvious reasons. After making a strong statement you are making a clever attempt to alleviate the claim, probably to please your white friends.

Regarding the jaada - To be frank I misread. I took it as 2 distinct sentences. There were reasons for me to do that. Anyway, a mistake… is a mistake …is a mistake. Blame it on my dyslexia and poor English knowledge.

It can be the problem with your reader. You can’t expect all your readers to be of high standard. Also the way people interpret things vary. That how the world is, right? ;) (You can stop me from commenting here, but you can’t stop me from reading your posts – Blogger doesn’t allow you)

For me, writing a comment here is not similar to developing an Aviation Control Software. Nor similar to preparing a legal agreement (Do you know the veNTa krushi and vENTa krushi ha..ha..) More over, I am not happy with my composition abilities. It’s worth quoting the point Number 3 by Famous Nick Curran "I don't look in the toilet before I flush it". It’s the same feeling, if I go through my ramblings * and I pity on you ;)*. Please feel free to hit that Achilles’ heel of mine.

I never read Bible. So I don’t know how it’s synonymous to ideologies. But that too doesn’t answer me the misplaced word there.

Dialectical Materialism! A word coined by someone else and popularized after Marx's death?

BTW, do you suffer from Gerascophobia? ;)

Hope this is not becoming Sisyphean for me. Sigh!

 
At Mon Aug 13, 12:50:00 pm, Blogger Jubin George said...

Welcome back, Anony :)

You use a toggle switch when it comes to my name! Shall I dig for Freudian explanations to use 'I' instead of 'U'? ;) May be, it's one of your somnambulating sojourns :p You can be happy, anyway. You didn’t sleep too long, for it’s still 2007!

Dunning-Kruger,for sure, helps to overlook obvious things that could otherwise embarrass you. And I was pointing out a few of which you had deliberately overlooked for your own benefit. I think, it would not be out of context to bring forth the last part of Dunning-Kruger hypothesis: if they [who suffer from Dunning-Kruger] can be trained to substantially improve their own skill level, these individuals can recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill. You already have recognized and acknowledged, and that naturally disqualifies you from utilising the excuse ;)

All generalisations are false, including this one. (Picked from Reader’s Digest, and kept in the closet) Gotta straighten up that closet one of these days! (laughter cue, please) Till then, I would choose not to understand the wit, which was nothing but pure scorn wrapped up in translucent conceit inside sugarcoated sarcasm. The other day, I was arguing with a friend of mine on the irrationality of generalisation – which generally accepted as, and may be is, rational. His argument was generalisations could be considered rational, because as you find exceptions you redefine the generalisation. And my argument is, if you tend to generalise, you also tend to neglect the exceptions, naturally.

To take my statement as an anticipatory bail, you have to be too naive. Taking it as a clue would be more sensible. The resolution that a paradox allows is the freedom for the contradictions to be equally true when alone, and the inevitability to be rationally false when together. (I believe anything can be split into two to create a paradox, thus the name of the blog, and its by-line) And I didn’t say everything; I said most of. What I attempted was not to alleviate, but to amplify the point. You need not call it a brownie, as I have clearly explained how they reached where they are, immediately after the accused dilution of the statement. By saying that I was not evangelising eugenics, you acknowledge the fact that you haven’t overlooked it.

I refuse to refute my common sense by blaming it on your dyslexia and poor English knowledge. I would rather hold on to the blame I raised in my earlier reply :))

I agree with you completely on that point about the expectations from a reader, and that’s what I said too. First in my post, and again in my previous reply, and for a third time here.

You are absolutely free to be careless while commenting, and to throw off handed insults. I can only hope that you won’t abuse that privilege. :) As for Mr. Curran’s statement, I would say that it’s good to look before, and after, you flush. And the third point I stated in the post saves you from pitying, and leaves you and Curran to be pitied. And I won’t count that as your Achilles’ heel; instead I would see it as a Sakuni you put in front. Will hit it all the same. :))

I still don’t think that word is misplaced. It’s placed as the reasoning for deciding against the options given in the two preceding sentences. In the reply, I was challenging your statement, telling you that your ideologies need not be exactly same as mine.

You are right here too. Marx never has used the term dialectical materialism. But his philosophy of historical materialism explained in a dialectical method is what referred as his dialectical materialism. And I can safely assume that you know it well. :)

No. I’m still too young to have Gerascophobia. :p

You need not call it Sisyphean, for with its mythological association, it might hint that it’s imposed. It’s by your freewill. :)) Name it after our man of Naranath, if you must. You choose your stone, and I mine. And we rightfully deserve our laughs. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. :))

 

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